Date Night & Random Thoughts

Right now, the Senator and I are in the same room with in two very different places. He's all into his laptop (the mistress) and I'm into my book. Wednesday is supposed to be about us coming together but we've gotten so off track. I am not angry or anything. Honest. I just.... well, I don't know what I want really. Sometimes I have great elaborate plans for date night, and other times I feel like I'm just glad to have him around and not away. He's a great hubby. Dedicated, full of integrity, sensitive, nurturing, protective, blah blah blah....

What ever happened to my plans of going to seminary and becoming an Old Testament scholar/professor? Do I still want to do this? Why do I want to go back to school? Can I just be a self taught scholar? How would I even begin this process? I stopped studying for the GRE while I was in AK and had the intentions of beginning a new schedule when I came home. Instead, I became consumed with finding work and "contributing" that I threw my academic ambitions to the side and have not looked back except to kick myself and call myself everything that mean failure. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself. Really. It old.

My apartment is a sty. Literally. A sty. At one moment in my life I thrived on cleanliness and now I find myself just as content with stepping over the balled up pile of clothes on the floor or washing the fork and plate I need instead of doing the entire load. Or the worst. Buying the boy new underwear instead of aligning myself and my schedule to do a load each night or something intelligent like that. I just don't feel like it these days. Seriously. There isn't anyone looking over my shoulder, and I'm not going to get into trouble if I don't 'clean my room'. The flip side is I do adore a clean, perfectly decorated abode. But... what are you gonna do.