All I want for Christmas is to be a better wife

In my mind I refer to myself as only having a boyfriend, not a husband... Is this bad?! the Senator isn't unpleasant at all!!!! He's fantastic infact... To me I guess I just feel like I'm beginning to think I missed something by getting married at 20 years old... Anyhoo, the one thing i do love about him is his ability to let me be free and grow. He's not changed a bit, he's been consistent, he's let me go through changes and stayed right by my side in the process.

In more specific related news... a baby: I don't want them right now... I mean, honestly, i think I'm really okay until about 30 years old. I told my best girlfriend the other night that I was counting on my ovary to sustain me... I know i can't be a good mother now... 1) i'm extremely selfish and will not give up my dreams to be a mother, they'd just have to do it with me 2) I'm currently obsessing about my weight and don't want to get fat 3) children are a blessing and they should be treated as such.... if I were to get pregnant now, I don't know how I would feel and that in itself is horrible

So what's a gal to do? If I get on BC i risk not getting pregnant at all.... but if I don't I seriously have to consider any time now. ugh!!!